rough night for some.
i practiced scales on the piano tonight for hours and hours- all majors, all boring. C major. G major. F Major. Practice is Wednessday and I never like to disappoint teacher.
i don't know much about music, but I do know that this is the bottom rung.
i can see this ladder looming above me - Rungs like the black keys, climbing all the way to the edge of my vission.
i made sure my wrists were raised and my hands were cupped in a spherical formation, like i'm holding onto a bubble, just the way teacher told me. I kept my back arched and sat just far enough away - crossed over and under with this finger and that thumb.
i shoulda been painting. when i do finally get those scales, i'm still one million miles away from doing the world any good with my less than stellar playing.
Of the one hundred and thirty things i need to do right now, and needed to do back then when i started playing piano, but i got punched in the gut by this huge demotivator. and now i'm listening to an audio recording of me and a great friend on the night we drank a bottle of tequilla and i ended up being photographed puking somewhere in sandiego...
that was a good night.
remind me to do that again.
¿where am i headed with all of this?
well, you're my captive audience, and you must listen to what i type. tonight i feel like rambling.
rough evening in this bubble of a house - me playing piano. think of how much worse it could be.
it's ok though, because far better people than i have felt far worse.
...and i hope they feel better. and i hope everything turns out for them. because when i wake up from this evening of "grueling piano" - the toughest thing i have to do tomorrow is wake up and just be.
appreciation and much love to all you who aren't ignorant like me and aren't content leaving the world worse than it was before you got here.
oh and for those of you who don't read - here's a picture: